Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
