Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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