Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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