soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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