I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
