Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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