fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize