I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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