Just cropdusted the office
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
