dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
