Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
