My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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