ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
