He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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