Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
