Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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