worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
