Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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