My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
