Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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