i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
