I wish I could teleport
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
