btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
