Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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