Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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