How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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