Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
