There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
