It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
