I wish my penis had an off switch
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Randomize
