i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
