Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
