every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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