She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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