If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
