just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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