His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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