Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
