dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
