Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
