Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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