The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
