I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
