then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
