If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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