New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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