You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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