I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
