is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
