Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
