If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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