He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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