Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
