Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
should my penis look like a turkey
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Randomize
