i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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