She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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