She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
