They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
