Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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