Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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