im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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