The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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