you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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