its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How's work?
Spinning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
