The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
