i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
