I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
