put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
