watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
