I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
