i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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