Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
