i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
